This is for Kristin 
18 weeks!
And, we are quite excited to announce that my newly realized mother’s intution was correct – it’s a boy!! Well, most likely. It looked pretty obvious to me. The ultrasound tech’s exact words were, “Well, it’s a boy – unless proven otherwise!” I told my mom to save her receipts just in case (I’m guessing she’s bought at least 3 outfits in the last 24 hours…her love language is gifts!! We love you mom!!)
Caleb’s comment to a group of middle and high school students last night. It was funny, as I think a few of them might have taken him seriously had he not clarified. Our goal is to update more often about what’s going on in ministry up here – how Coldwater and youth ministry are working together, what we’ve been up to, that sort of thing. The last two weeks, we’ve had a small group (girls sub-state volleyball games have been on Wed nights and they’re doing really well!) and it’s been such a great opportunity to get to know those students- many of them junior highers – better. Our goal was to work on group development using tools we learned this summer from Coldwater experiential education training. Last week we did a string of initiatives – basically, creative challenges that stress things like trust, problem solving, group unity – where students can learn by doing, by walking through a mini or trial experience. It was so awesome – apparently junior high students pay MUCH better attention when they’re actively involved in learning. Duh. We heard some honest comments: “I’d much rather do this by myself.” “We get held back by those who aren’t as good at this.” “If I don’t get to talk, I don’t want to do anything.” “You really have to listen.” These sparked great discussion about the PURPOSE of relying on one another, the difficulties, and why it’s so important (and hard!) in the church to learn how to develop community..i.e. it doesn’t just happen.
One of Caleb’s biggest passions is church unity – learning how to break down denominational, economic, cultural, etc. barriers not to make everyone’s theology or culture the same, but to learn how to discuss with respect, how to work as the body, and to focus on what we agree on as Christians- the Gospel and learning to live it, to know God through Christ, through the Spirit. It’s been so wonderful to have opportunities here through Coldwater connections to work with other churches and their youth groups. Instead of fighting over where the students are going or why they’re not at our church, let’s come together and learn what it looks like to live out Ephesians 4 (read it.). We don’t do it every week. But when we do, it’s so beautiful. Last night, we got together with the Lutheran church youth group (again, it was a small group) and did an activity that went really well! We told the group to split themselves into two groups (which ended up being junior highers in one, high school students in the other..interesting) and choose a puzzle. Then we told them to finish the puzzles with the group (never race each other, see who gets done first, etc…but that was their immediate reaction). The catch was, each group had two puzzle pieces from the other group’s puzzle – neither team could finish without realizing that they NEEDED the other group. We heard great comments here, too. “Protect the puzzle!” “They stole our pieces!” “They’re not done yet – they’re the losers!” What a great metaphor for how churches often respond to one another! There was such a great talk afterward about the body, about bearing with one another in love (Ephesians 4:2), about how to live as the body and not just talk about it. SO great!! Hence, Caleb’s comment about the wall breaking. Right as Pastor Dave walked downstairs.
Caleb’s grandfather loves to tell this story about an airplane ride they took when Caleb was little – he was maybe two or three. Apparently, there was an air pocket and some turbulence and the plane dropped a ways in the air, causing cute little two-year old Caleb to exclaim, WHOA BABY!! Apparently, Denny, Caleb’s dad, used to say that all the time, and Caleb picked up on it when the plane unexpectedly dropped a few feet. Well, 22 year old Caleb had another “Whoa Baby” moment about a month ago when we found out that we are expecting our own whoa baby! Adding to the long list of why nots? this summer, God decided to give us another one in the form of a little person due on my birthday – April 11. 13 weeks and counting…
Needless to say, we were shocked, as we thought everything was “under control” (ha! control!) and were not planning on having kids for a few years. Honestly, I thought that if this moment ever came where we were quite unexpectedly pregnant, that I would freak out. However, when something is so obviously in God’s control (and not ours), so obviously intentional on His part, as it wasn’t on ours, it’s hard not to be full of peace and excitement. I mean, it’s going to be hard, and scary, and we won’t be “ready” (when would we have been, really?), but this baby is a joy and has already brought us so much peace. Therefore, we have deemed it the peace baby. Maybe we’ll name him (or her, I guess, but I’m convinced it’s a boy) something that means “peace”.
With celiac’s disease, pregnancy can be fragile, as they worry about the baby not having enough nutrients to develop properly, as well as my body not having the amount of hormones it needs to sustain the baby. Actually, we were told that I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant without hormonal supplements because my levels were so low - Lesson #1 Doctors are not always right. Your prayers are much appreciated for the healthy development of the baby, and for relieved anxiety - I’m kind of neurotic.
P.S. Another Grandpa Mike story – in August when we were home, I was wearing a baby-doll top that looks like a maternity shirt (i.e. has no structure or waistline), and Grandpa Mike looks at me and says, Are you with child? I laughed, as I was most certainly NOT (had we found out then, when life was so crazy, I might have freaked out!), and said no Grandpa Mike, I am not. Well, turns out I was. Grandpa Mike is a prophet.
Have you ever been working on an idea, trying to put something together, etc. and feel like you’re missing something? Kare and I have been working the last couple of weeks on putting together a ‘vision’ for the youth group – something to focus on this semester/ year/ life… you know? Well, we’ve decided that Jesus is a pretty good place to start. Kind of obvious, right? Well, you’d be surprised by the amount/ percentage/ whatever of youth groups who forget (or completely leave out) to teach Jesus! Well, originally, we wanted to focus on ‘living a life that comes out of Christ’, with our “theme” verse being Acts 17.28 – “In Him we live and move, and have our being”. This seemed all well and good, but it seemed like something was missing – and I probably could not have told you what was missing until we found it. But, after speaking to our beloved friend, mentor, and (now) youth ministry resource, we filled in that missing piece. It is a desirable thing to live a life of faith… HOWEVER… it is only half of what we are called to do. We cannot just live a life with faith – we have to do something with it! I was pointed to Mark 12.28-31; a scribe asks Jesus which is the “most important commandment”, Jesus responds, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind, and with all your strength. AND the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
You see, we can’t have one without the other. We can’t have faith and do nothing with it; and we can’t live fully nor get to heaven by ‘doing things’. Josh pointed out that we are always so focused on Ephesians 2.8 & 9 that we forget about verse 10: “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” We were made not, to simply live in our faith, we were made to do things with that faith; and doing things means loving those around us – those we like and love, and those we don’t like us so much.
So, our semester/ year/ life has boiled down to Loving God and Loving People. To love and seek after God is to say, ‘Mold me; grow me; use me…” To love people is to put our faith into action; it’s being molded and being used. As it was explained to me, “faith and works are separate, but inseperable.” You can’t have one without the other.
Thus our missing piece. If we are going to live and model a life of faith, we cannot forget to live faith in action- to love the people in our world as we have been loved.
Peace, and popsicles
These are wise words of compromise from a dear family member – it was her advice as I explained how Caleb and I have been learning to work together. I mean, we’ve been together for almost 7 years, been married for over a year – but we’ve never had to work together before. I take that back. We wrote a paper together last semester, for the one class we had together in college. Basically, I ended up writing the first half, he wrote the second. How’s that for avoiding cooperation?
It’s been our hope that we would be able to work together – in ministry or otherwise – for a long time. In theory, and most often in practice , we make a really great team. We balance each other out in a lot of ways. But we are finding that said balance is not always completely even. We are currently going through a balancing act of sorts – taking a little weight from this side, adding it to the other – oh wait – that was too much, take a little bit back, take it back! I do things head on – quickly, efficiently, NOW – let’s just get it done. I also have 104 different avenues of thought intersecting in my brain at any given moment, can plan out an entire week without writing it down, and always know what little things need to get done if I have any downtime. I’m a global thinker and an idea person – and they come pouring out at random. Caleb works slowly, deliberately, and thoughtfully. He has a reason for doing what he’s doing, and he wants to make sure that thing gets completely done before he goes onto the next thing. There’s one avenue of thought and it’s very thorough. He doesn’t think 7 weeks into the future as I do, but concentrates on the moment. Things must be written down, organized, and walked through, step by step. He is a detail thinker – he starts with the small things and works up to the big picture.
So often lately I’ve been so frustrated with the S-L-O-W pace at which he does things (did that really need to take you two hours?!) and he’s been left with a spinning head and bruised ego as I whiz past him to do something my way – just to get it done. We’ve had a series of come to Jesus moments, learning to see the strengths in our differences and to appreciate the unique gifts we each bring to our relationship and to ministry. But oh, how easy it would be to continue on in our separate little worlds and never stop to really notice – really see – one another.
So, over the last few weeks, Kari (now Car-ee, as she is being called in our new town) and I have felt like life is starting to slow down a little bit. Instead of running around, borrowing cars, wondering where/ who we would be staying with, we know that we will be moving very soon, and thus our residence will be constant; Deloris the Taurus (our ‘94 green machine) is running- on a prayer, but running nontheless. Our job description is becoming a little more focused: fundraising and planning for what we want to do for youth group for the semester/ year- if you have any suggestions, tips, etc. let us know (respond to this post, call, text, facebook, anything really) we gladly welcome it!
So, in regards to the title of this post- I got it from the Pinocchio character from “Shrek” (I don’t remember which part) but he proudly proclaims, “I’m a real boy!” This has come to mind because I am beginning to realize where in life I am at. I have grraduated from college, I have been married for more than a year, and I am starting a job in the field I went to school for…a real job! It may sound strange, but it is finally starting to hit me! For the first time this summer, Kare and I have finally been able to sit down and think/ plan for this new adventure. I am yet to wrap my mind around the tasks and responsibilities that now come with this position. Lately, I have been scared of it. Scared that there are things I can’t handle, things I will forget, not having a plan- or even a clue of where to start, so on and so forth.
Kari has shared what she learned through our Coldwater summer about “functioning through fear”; what I learned was that I am afraid of failing- failing at anything. Thinking back through the last 7-8 years or so, my fear of failure has kept me from trying new things, kept me from maximizing my potential as a leader, and has probably stunted growth as a husband, friend, son, brother, and Christ-follower. So, with this new chapter in life, I have probably been a little slow in preparing because I am afraid- asking myself, “what if … doesn’t work?” “what if they don’t like me?”
I am comforted in the fact that I know we are supposed to be here; we have been led here and have gone with obedience, knowing fullly that we have been/ are/ and will continue to be provided for so long as we say, “Yes Lord…”
So, growing up, I’m finding, is hard; however, it is very exciting and we believe that God is going to work through us in ways we don’t even know.
Well, here’s to being “real” boys and girls!
I’ve been avoiding trying to “sum up” life so far this summer because it’s extensive and involved and complicated and still so much in process that I don’t have a clue where to start, what to start with, or how exactly to explain the process we’ve been through and the refining period that we’re in. Due to the fact that I’m often long-winded and wordy, I’ll save you the 12 page blog and try and bullet point some things we’ve learned. Oh. But there’s some good stories to tell too. I’ll do both. 12 pages here we come!
-Our entire existence right now depends on God and other people. I mean, I believe that our entire existence always depends on God and others, but it’s really easy to trick yourself into believing that you are in control of your own life. You’re not. I’m not. It’s humbling and hard and I’m not a huge fan of the process that we must go through to realize this but really, how else do we learn but to experience? WHICH leads to my next point…
-Coldwater (the ministry we are now a part of – training is complete!) uses a model of teaching called experiential education -the goal is to provide opportunities for people to step outside of their comfort zone in order to fully engage themselves, others, and God. Through experiences such as backpacking/canoe trips, ropes course, trust/problem solving activities, etc. students are placed at the center of their own learning and are encouraged to transfer that learning to their life in a greater context. It works. Here’s my story (which, I admit, is quite dramatic and not typical in its extremity, but illustrates the point quite well, I think!):
I struggle with fear – anxiety, worry, panic – it’s been a big deal in my life for a long time. So much so that I would call it an idol. If an idol is something you go to before God, then fear is my biggest idol. When I say fear, I mean a process I have developed -this incredible ability to try and put together a mental catalog of every negative outcome to every situation I’m in and then to plan how I would react in every. single. situation. If I can’t do this, I panic – I worry because I’m not worrying, like it’s some kind of superstition to carryout. Fear is my comfort zone, as crazy as that sounds. I’ve been asking God for a very long time – What can I do to let go of this? Well – What can I do? Nothing. What can God do? Send us to the middle of wilderness nowhere. And then strip away my own personal safety net in a big way.
Coldwater instructor training included a training trip where we could experience the student aspect of the program. It was a 6 day trip – made intentionally quite difficult – that started out in the Boundary Waters (canoeing) and ended with a couple days of backpacking right back to the camp we used for training. The first couple of days in the Boundary Waters were good – I was quiet and tense, but still quite functional. By the third day we had left the Boundary Waters (no more established campsites!) and started paddling a river that, in retrospect, was not necessarily meant to be paddled. It felt like we were getting out of the canoe every 300 ft. to drag it over rocks, lift all of our gear over downed trees, maneuver around beaver dams – it was really frustrating. I was leading that day and we were 6 miles from where we were supposed to camp, it was nearing dusk, and the banks of the river were really dense with no obvious clearings to use as a campsite. There were so many things that could go wrong, most of which I couldn’t even begin to articulate, much less devise a mental plan as to how I would fix said disaster, that I panicked. I cannot be more grateful to the group of people we were with – their care and comfort were so reassuring. They set camp up incredibly quickly, taking care of all of the things I was afraid couldn’t happen. Kevin, the director of Coldwater, sat me down, looked me in the eye, and said “I’m okay with this.” which is exactly what I needed to hear, as thoughts of having ruined our new job opportunity were running through my head. He continued to encourage me for a little while and ended by telling me I had a choice – a choice to stay in my fear and let it overtake me to the point where I no longer would desire to live outside of my comfort zone, or I could choose to function through my fear. I didn’t want to choose anything (well, maybe I wanted to choose to go home), much less to choose to function in the middle of the woods, but I knew that by choosing to not only face fear but to walk through it was an opportunity to give up control and tangibly trust God to take the place in my life that fear has occupied for so long.
Two days later we switched to backpacks and bushwhacked (walking through the woods with no trail) our way to – well, I don’t know where. We got lost and ’shwacked only 2.5 miles in 11 hours through incredibly dense forest. At about 11:00 at night, after bushwhacking for 10 hours, I stepped across a creek and fell in face first subsequently soaking the right half of my body. I started crying and didn’t stop until we found a random place to camp at about 1:30 am. This time, however, I was determined to function, determined to finish – I just wanted to cry about it while I did it . In the morning when we woke up we realized we had gone SW instead of SE – which actually turned out to be a blessing because we had about 5 miles less walking to do to reach our final destination. What a metaphor for following Christ! It may not make sense, I may be tired, at the end of my limits, angry, and frustrated, but there’s a purpose for hardship, for God’s path leads to blessing in the end, and always, always creates growth and authentic community along the way.
-I needed that trip to tear down every single ounce of control I thought I had to prepare me for what’s happening now. There are so many unknowns in our life, so many moments that I have been afraid and worried. I’ve felt like each moment has been a stepping stone to letting go of fear, little by little. A couple of weeks ago, I was taking a shower and just wished I was back working in the bakery, but then I remembered how bored I was, how I prayed for a challenge in life, for something deep and real and intentional. I never want to live a life in which I can conveniently have faith – I want to live one that requires faith.
-We have been overwhelmingly blessed by the people in our life – from incredible words of encouragement and affirmation, to financial support, to meaningful and beautiful moments spent in prayer – we have learned the art of receiving and it is good to be loved without having deserved it. A friend recently told us that in order to learn to give we must first learn to receive, which is a much more difficult task. It is, however, the heart of the Gospel, and we are truly thankful for all of you who have poured out love as Jesus has done, did, and continues to do – on a people who did nothing to earn it, but need it so desperately.
This dance portrays a woman’s fight with breast cancer. In memory of my grandmother, who died of breast cancer, and of my Aunt Lori, who passed away one year ago.
This was the mantra I kept repeating to myself while walking aimlessly through Wal-Mart three weeks ago. After our car broke down. Which happened after our microwave expoloded. Which happened after our sub-leaser for the summer backed out. Which happened after our hard-drive crashed and we. lost. everything. (everyone always says to back it up but my husband and I, who are most definately NOT tech-saavy, had no clue how to do that) All of this happened right in the midst of deciding to uproot and move to VERY northern Minnesota, where I will finish college long distance, and we will take a wonderful, exciting, God-led, very adventurous (in the sense that it is not at all what we had planned) ministry opportunity with a yet-to-be-decided upon job description that is half salary and half support based. We currently are living on savings and will be through the summer (which means no proof of income to buy a new car). This week is finals week and family is coming up for Caleb’s graduation Saturday (please don’t judge our warzone of an apartment!). We leave Sunday for Grand Marais in order to do wilderness first aid, we come back during the night Thrusday so I can make a friend’s wedding cake on Saturday, and then we drive back up to the Porcupine Mountains in Michigan on Sunday to immediately embark on a 10-day wilderness trip. Not to mention I just got diagnosed with Celiac Disease (gluten allergy) and this baker must learn a new way to bake. Not to mention the fact that I also had my hormone levels tested, and my body DOESN’T PRODUCE cortisol – the hormone that REGULATES STRESS – after 11:00 in the morning. Phew. This is what living on a prayer looks like, I think.
I needed to write all of that down. It was therapeutic. But now, I need to tell you that I am learning so much about faith, about trust, and about joy. Never before have I been able, in the midst of what felt to me like overwhelming stress (and believe you me, it doesn’t take much for me to get overwhelmed) to be so sure that, when we come out on the other side, which we will, we will be stronger and our sense of joy more profound. I cannot tell you how excited I am to be in the midst of something bigger than myself. God has shown us a path to follow, and we want to be nowhere else but on that path. We are moving to Grand Marais, MN to use wilderness ministry and the outdoor-education model through a non-profit called Coldwater in conjuction with youth ministry at a church called Grand Marais Evangelical Free. It’s a beautiful partnership of church and non-profit that we feel blessed to be apart of. Thank you, Lord, for trials, for we would not be who we are without them.
Food Buying Hierarchy
This is basically how I organize the decisions I have when I buy food. I try and stay close to the top as much as possible!
(1) Free! Plant your own kitchen garden – many herbs even do well potted indoors.
Learn how to can, freeze, cold store so you can store whole foods throughout the winter.
(2) Local foods
CSA, farmer’s market, directly from farmers
(3) Food Co-Ops
(4) Health food stores
(5) Local stores
Grocery stores, bakeries, etc.
(6) Health foods sections at chain stores
(7) Whole/organic from grocery stores
(8) Buying non-organic
Minimally processed < 5 ingredients
(9) Pre-made foods (part, but not the majority of your meal
Salsas, salad dressings, sauces, etc. parts of meal but not whole meal
(10) Processed foods
Kraft, frozen pizzas, frozen dinners, box mixes, etc.
Label Reading
This is really important when buying food from the grocery store – make sure to look at the ingredients list!
Ingredients to avoid:
*HFCS and its corn-derived cousins
-Modified/unmodified starch, glucose syrup, maltodextrin, crystalline fructose, ascorbic acid, lecithin, dextrose, lactic acid, lysine, maltose, MSG, polyols, caramel color, xanthan gum, cyclodextrins, sorbitol, mannitol
*Preservatives of any kind
-Butylated Hydroxyanisole (BHA) – a preservative – and suspected carcinogen
-Butylated Hydroxytoluene (BHT)
-TBHQ
*Sugar Substitutes
-Nutrasweet, splenda, equal, etc.
*Sodium nitrites
-Found in cured & processed meats
*MSG
*Artificial Colorings
-FD&C blues #1 and 2, green #3, and yellow #5 and 6
Buy the “dirty dozen” organic and the “safer” produce conventionally. By steering clear of “dirty dozen” you reduce pesticide exposure by 90%!
*Safer
Onions, avocadoes, frozen sweet corn, pineapples, mangoes, frozen sweet peas, asparagus, kiwis, bananas, cabbage, broccoli, eggplant
*Dirty Dozen
Peaches, apples, sweet bell peppers, celery, nectarines, strawberries, cherries, lettuce, grapes, pears, spinach, potatoes
“Small Steps” – Practical ideas for starting the process.
*Take a food preservation course (or learn from a friend) to learn ways to store:
*Schedule farm tours to learn more about how your food is grown
*Share homegrown food and recipes with others
*Have a “scavenger week” once every two months or so (don’t buy groceries, just recycle what you have left in your cupboards/fridge – be creative!)
*Plant herbs or plants in pots around your home – it will give you an appreciation for the process
*Maintain a kitchen garden (www.kitchengardeners.org)
*Purchase a CSA (www.localharvest.org)
*Eat fresh, whole foods and minimally processed foods (fewer than 5 ingredients)
*Work your way up the hierarchy – if you tend to buy all processed, try out minimally processed; if you usually buy minimally processed, start buying unrefined/organic
*Commit to eating homemade once a week – make it a group or family event
*Only buy fruits and veggies that are in season – learn the art of delayed gratification:
http://localfoods.about.com/od/searchbyregion/Search_Seasonal_Fruits_Vegetables_By_Region.htm
*College students – since you don’t have to spend time making meals, this is the perfect time to start learning how to cook for fun – use it to learn how to make things homemade!
*Set aside intentional time to learn how to prepare new things from scratch
*Buy fair trade tea, coffee, and chocolate
*Check out the “good food” checklist:
http://www.foodandsocietyfellows.org/fellows.cfm?id=101899
*Search out & support restaurants, coffee shops, bakeries that use locally grown produce: http://www.eatwellguide.org/i.php?pd=Home
If you’d like to learn more on your own here are some great books!
Omnivore’s Dilemma & In Defense of Food (Michael Pollan)
Animal, Vegetable, Miracle (Barbara Kingsolver)
Everything I Want To Do Is Illegal & Holy Cows and Hog Heaven (Joel Salatin)
Ball Complete Book of Home Preserving (Judi Kingry)
Putting Food By (Janet Greene)
